woof. november 3, 2020. like most people, i think, i have felt pretty on edge since last night. one second i think i might start laughing and the next i feel like i want to cry. i've never felt so emotionally vulnerable because of an election, but then again, we've never had a bully for a president until the last four years. one of the worst parts is, nora has picked up on it. at 4 1/2 years old she is very attuned to my emotions. in the car this morning we were listening to BBC news hour and an audio clip from the president came on. i've never felt such a visceral reaction to something i was listening to with the exception of the most recent episode of this american life where two women spoke about the sexual assault they experienced at the hands of our president. anyway, i was so revolted by the sound of his voice and the things coming out of his mouth i had to turn the radio off. from the back nora said, "calm down, mom, it's okay". i tried to give her (myself mostly) reassurance by saying, "you're right, nora, it will be okay. because no matter who wins we can still do our part by helping the people around us and being involved with local leaders." which is a lovely message that sounds nice, but it's hard to really feel that when almost half our country seems to be rooting for a man who thinks it's okay to discriminate against the LGBTQ community, separate children from their families and create a dire humanitarian crisis at the border, mock people with disabilities, call mexicans rapists, demean women at every turn, and who refuses to denounce conspiracy theories, and who seems to bring out the worst in all of us. but also, maybe that's a good thing. our ugly parts have been revealed, and now, regardless of who wins, we know we need to change. it's a lot. today is a lot. so today i am going to cling on to the things that are helping me breathe, making me smile, and reminding me that this election is not everything. those things are:
-the bright mornings. the mornings so far this november have been pretty magical with the sunlight gleaming through golden leaves. this morning was no exception. also, november's warm color palette is one of my favorites.
-we got a library card at the location nearest our new house today and nora wanted to sign hers herself. i love her quentin blake-esq handwriting and her eagerness to practice her letters.
-currently there are crayons, scissors, and scraps of paper on the den floor from nora's most recent art project, a "nest" of blankets, stuffed animals, and pillows on the living room floor and a stack of library books--remnants of her quiet time. normally the mess stresses out, but today i am choosing to embrace it as a sign of normal, happy children.
-nora is soaking in a bath with a bath bomb she got from the tooth fairy (who swapped it for her halloween candy).
-right now the sun is starting to go down a bit, and i know some people have a strong averseness toward daylight savings, but i actually kind of love the cozy evenings and watching the reflection of the leaves dancing through the window panes on our wood floor.
maybe we'll have a candlelit dinner and cozy up with our new books after we search for twigs to make our thankful tree for the month.
wherever you are, i hope you are finding some peace amidst the chaos.
peace+love
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