in my home ward, this woman got up and told us in detail about the road trip she took at the end of the summer with her troubled son that needed to learn a few lessons...she kept alluding to her childhood and the paper route that stayed in her family for 16 years...it was all very confusing, but she summed it up with "take your kids fishing". i figured after that people would try to keep things simple truth and try to bring the spirit back...instead a woman got up and bore her testimony about their unglamorous disneyland trip. the irony was, the most powerful testimony i heard came from a girl who gets up monthly, and until this sunday i never understood what she said between sobs.
then my mom told me this one:
"As per our conversation yesterday about bizarre testimonies - a teacher today told about her meeting. A woman stood up and bore testimony about how awful her week had been; her husband had surgery on his scrotum and was unable to do anything. She repeatedly referred to his scrotum as the audience was snickering. The woman finally sat down and her husband went up to the mike* and said, "It was my sternum" and sat down. LLM"
but my personal favorite is one published on Apron Stage a while ago:
"I heard this story from two different people who were actually in this testimony meeting this month:
The bishop’s wife is the first to get up to bear her testimony. She says, “The bishop is having an affair and it’s with YOU.” She points down at the first counselor’s wife. The wife bursts into tears and runs out of the meeting. The bishop follows her out and then the first counselor follows them out. The second counselor gets up and
says they’ll end the meeting early."
what happened at the weirdest testimony meeting you've attended or heard about?
peace+love
6 comments:
haha...i heard about the scrotum one a long time ago, so i think it's a mormon folklore thing, along with the "big boobs" one.
i think the worst is just when people get up and tell stories that have nothing to do with their testimony and ramble on and on for 15 + minutes. my favorite testimonies are simple, pure, and short.
Travelogues drive me CRAZY!! Also, unless you can tell it's real and not a memorized thing, little kids bearing their testimony...no. There was this little girl who used to get up EVERY testimony meeting in my home ward. She was so obnoxious. She would say "i love my mommy and my daddy.." blah blah. Anyway, on the same Sunday in my home ward these two things happened:
-One lady gets up saying she had a vision about where the church was headed; she was visiting her sister who was serving as Primary President...she was released soon after.
-A guy gets up and tells of his addictions to crack, cocaine, hash, speed...and how he woke up randomly one morning in Central Park.
And, a separate occasion:
-A guy gets up, carrying a big box of books up to the podium. He proceeds to speak about how, according to these genealogy books, he should be the Bishop.
THE WEIRDEST meetings ever.
mattie- what's the big boob's one?
cheri- i bet primary was really interesting the day the guy talked about all his drug addictions..."mommy, what's cocaine?"
ok, so this one has gone around a lot and i've heard it from numerous people (who are not in the same ward, and who say "LISTEN what happened in my ward today!).
a lady gets up to bear her testimony and just sobs through the whole thing...at the end, she says, "i'm sorry i'm being such a boob." she was the last one to bear her testimony, so the bishop got up to announce the prayer and song and he said, "it's okay, sister so-and-so, we like big boobs."
it was funny the first time around, but i've heard it so many times that it is so stupid. i don't even know if it's true now...
My favorite testimony meeting was at a branch in D.C. near the capitol--there were a couple of young families and a handful of black investigators in their parachute sweat outfits, and a great older lady who was a new convert and kept saying "Praise the Lord" in her testimony. Amen, sista!
mrs. mordue-
welcome! sometimes i sit there and wish sacrament meeting was more like a baptist church meeting...hallelujah!
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