IVan the terrible

if you've never had the privilege to meet or converse with IVon Wall, my one and only living grandparent, you're missing out.  anyone who knows him will agree.  i had the blessing of living with him for almost 6 years and hearing all of his wisdom (lectures).  i loved when solicitors would call and ask for Ivan, to which he'd respond, "do you mean Ivan the terrible of Russia?  or are you looking for IVon Wall, spelled capital I, capital V, o-n?"  he's the biggest flirt you'll ever meet, and also the most generous person on the earth.  it seems like with every year he gets older, he becomes more like a teenager. 

my favorite memories of grandpa (besides watching him turn bright red and laugh so hard he cried when he confessed to making out with another girl while he was engaged to my grandma), are of him putting kerri and i to bed every night.  he'd make up stories in which we'd float away on clouds with our panda bear friend to have an adventure in some far away land, but we'd always make it back home for bedtime.  then he'd sing us old songs, like "out on a hike all day, dear" by irving berlin (my personal favorite), zip-a-dee-doo-dah, and south of the border.  then after wishing us goodnight, he'd play the piano and sing "the impossible dream" or "i left my heart in san francisco".  yes, living with grandpa was pretty awesome.

IVon's yard is pretty incredible.  he has a good chunk of land where my grandma used to grow all kinds of flowers and things.  kerri and i loved exploring the "forest", picking the honey suckles, and jumping on the bounciest trampoline you've ever jumped on. the yard has been hard to maintain in the last few years, so brennan and i got to spend quite a few days up there getting it ready for our reception.  

one day, brennan and grandpa were working on a planter on the side of the house while i was in the back, staining a bench.  i was off in la la land, singing to myself.  i heard grandpa yell, "quick, call 9-1-1!" i heard the words, but didn't really process them until i heard him yell it again.  my heart dropped to my stomach, thinking something had happened to brennan, and by the third shout, i was sprinting into the house to grab the phone.  i dialed 9-1-1 as i ran over to the side of the house to see what was happening.  i saw IVon and brennan just standing there acting like nothing happened.  grandpa saw the phone in my hand and said, "did you call 9-1-1?" (and in the background i hear the operator asking for our address)  

"yes, what's going on?"  

"oh i was just yelling to brother berven.  everything's fine"

i don't know if i've ever been so angry at him in my life.  when the cops did show up i thought "serves him right".  but of course, he talked his way out of it like he does with every thing, and even made friends with the cop.  

IVon is the only grandparent i've had for many years, but he is the best grandpa in the world.  

happy national grandparents day to the wisest, funniest, coolest 87 year old around! i sure do love you!

a trolls paradise.

the craziest things seem to happen in the middle of the night when i am deeply sleeping.

like last night...well, this morning, i guess.

it was about 4:30 a.m. when i woke up to brennan thrashing around hitting his leg and moving both legs up and down like he was either trying to get rid of a bug or a charlie horse.  then he sat up in bed and started rubbing his calf.  then he stood up at the foot of the bed and started jumping around like he was dancing.  i asked him what was wrong and if he was okay, but he just kept dancing around.  finally, he got out, "yea, it's just a giant spider"   

"you had a spider on your leg?"

"no"

"then what was it?"  

he stuck his hand out with his fingers up like he was trying to describe a dead spider to me...

"i don't know...it was one of those huge spiders.  they're really friendly and they live forever."

"yeaaaa...you're not really awake"

i kissed him on the forehead and rolled over to try and fall asleep again.  which was made difficult by me laughing and feeling slightly paranoid about the possibility of there being a spider in our bed.  

man, i wish i had a video of this whole thing.  i laugh every time i remember it.

anyway, we got to spend saturday exploring hocking hills.

and, boy am i glad we did.

that expression was pretty much glued to my face the entire time.

it was not like hiking in utah.

there were no big climbs.

practically no elevation gain.

but it was unlike anything i'd ever seen.

trees grow on rocks

everything is covered in moss

a soft mist hangs above every body of water

and the humidity invites all kinds of critters

 

i could get used to this ohio thing.

don't mind the crappy phone pictures.  someday i'll own a nice camera.  if you know my history with nice cameras, that will probably happen once i prove i can keep another human alive.

these two...

meet Lyla and Jonah, my niece and nephew.  aren't they just adorable?

they're pretty hilarious, too.  earlier this week i asked Lyla if she'd want a little brother or sister...she said a sister and she'd want to name her "minnie mouse".  the other day she pointed out the fact that my nails weren't painted and told me, "i should paint them for you."  she's almost 3.

then there's Jonah...he's almost 6.  we decided to do new sibling photos for mother's day this year, and this is just one example of the great things that happened.

classic

i am such a lucky girl to have such an awesome family.  i will definitely miss them when i move to texas, but i'm really excited to start my own little family with brennan.  (no, that is not an announcement...we're not married yet)

peace+love

# i just don't get it...

a friend once posted a facebook status update that read:
"I've found a good rule of thumb for a Facebook status is that if I'd be embarrassed to read it out loud, I do not Facebook status that thing."

as i've read instagram comments lately i've started to notice some trends that i'm not sure i understand.  i feel like the same rule of thumb ought to apply for instagram comments, twitter posts (i have no idea what people write on twitter, but i am going to go ahead and assume it's similar), and any other medium of social media.  i would also like to add to that rule of thumb that if it doesn't make sense when i read it out loud i do not post that thing.

and now, with the risk of offending everyone who reads this blog (if anyone reads it anymore), i present...

kelzone's top 10 or so instagram comments or facebook posts, snapchat captions, #'s totally taken out of context...

kelzoner  #tbt big springs hike with my main squeeze #neature 

hellotheremiss   oh don't worry you guys, my sister is just stupid beautiful. #freakingbabe #rude kelzoner    stupid? you're the #rude one

fatniss_neverlean @kelzoner this is just too much for me       

allthingsbrighten THAT IS PERFECT WHAT     

iamhanna you are the world's sweetest     

sadfkjl;   that background though

brookieboo   my back yard though

kelzoner   though though though?

kurtmannn lap kitty and football for days

kelzoner  moderation in all things, my friend.

bittykitty  i just died.  

woodzy611  k you're a babe.  stop.  NOW.  

nickolas  dude this really is the chillest of chills

# and comment on, my friends...

peace+love

my obsession with nuns

yesterday i re-organized some drawers and as i was reading through some old letters i realized something tragic....i used to be funny.  i don't know what happened.  i was trying to explain to my main man what i meant by that.  then today, i found this.  and how appropriate, because today is the live Sound of Music special with carrie underwood.
peace+love

top secret information

yesterday afternoon, while at a friends house, my phone went missing for a short period of time.  when i did get it back, my friend tyler was the last one to use it...thus the updated facebook status reading:
"i love ALL the boys".  i didn't really think much of it, but while i was at the gym that evening i had a stroke of genius.  i've never been much of a fighter, but this prank was too good to pass up.

late that night i posted an ad on ksl for free puppies with tyler's name and phone number.  here is the ad.

this morning i checked the ad at about 7:30 and it already had 150 views.  an hour later i got a text from tyler's roommate, nate.

nate: did you post that ad on ksl about the free puppies??

me: what ad?

nate: somebody posted an ad advertising free puppies under Tyler's name.  He's been getting calls all morning ha ha (mind you this is 8:30 a.m.--which means they'd been calling since heaven knows what time)

me: Ha ha ha, man, I wish I had been the culprit.  That is hilarious.

nate: Yeah you're near the top of the suspect list just so you know ha ha

me: Why is that?  I'm flattered

nate: How could you not??  you're so suspicious 

me: oh yes, you know me, such a conniving scheming woman.

meanwhile, tyler updated his facebook status:

it's amazing how many people feel comfortable calling or texting a random stranger before 8am if it's in the pursuit of free puppies.

it was about that time that the ad disappeared from ksl.  a few hours later, tyler entertained us all with a new photo album on facebook with a few of the conversations he had this morning with some disappointed customers: "No, I don't have puppies"

do you see that?  6:59 a.m. is when this person tried to contact tyler

at least we know he has a good sense of humor...

and now, my personal favorite...

as far as i know, tyler is still in the dark as to the culprit.  let's keep it that way, shall we?

peace+love

top ten reasons i love being an english major...

when i do research for beastly but awesome papers i find things like this:

"I cannot but concur with Cicero's sensible advice: beans are a flatulent food that frustrates the needed tranquillity of mind of a truth-seeking spirit."

it's even funnier when i think about the fact that i'm doing research on the philosophy of music as represented in shakespeare...(beans, beans, the musical fruit!)

also, just a little pitch here for an event a friend in my ward created...she came up with this great idea to run for all the people who didn't get to finish the boston marathon (more on that later..i cannot tell you how many times i cried monday and tuesday just thinking about it).  anyway, if you like or hate running, you should join--even if you run very little, the miles add up quickly...you just log your miles until we reach 8,000!  i've done 9.15, and as a whole we've already logged 250+ miles.  i realize we're not raising money or anything, the idea is that those affected know we care and are thinking about them while we run.

wow, i kid you not, while i was typing the title of this post i seriously had to write and delete "english" 4 times before i got it right....ya, it's finals week.
peace+love

top ten reasons i want to be a mommy...

reason number 1

that's all.  happy friday, e'rbody!

peace+love

feeling anxious or stressed?

a simple solution...

happy valentines day.

thanks for the photo, brooke.
peace+love

that time i was caught curled up in the fetal position on the floor of a public restroom...and no, i wasn't drunk.

so, remember the whole "spend one on one time with my bike everyday" resolution?  ya, that sort of backfired on me today.  

i woke up and the sun was shining.  the roads were clear and i thought, oh perfect, i bet it will be warm enough to ride my bike to work.  

well, about 5 minutes into my commute my fingers began to feel numb. (yes, i was wearing gloves.  it was about 30 degrees today).  i'd left early enough that i could have turned around and gone in my car, but i thought, no, i've made my decision. plus my car hates the winter. stubborn, stubborn me.  by the time i got to the last little 50 yard stretch i was in so much pain that i thought i was going to throw up.  

i got to the mtc and locked up my bike and went right into the bathroom to run my hands under warm water.  i hurt so bad, i thought i would pass out.  so, i curled up in a ball on the floor just in case i did pass out.  yes, that is how much pain i was in--i didn't even care about the fact that i was laying on the floor of a public restroom.  that's when a girl walked into the bathroom and looked at me kind of funny then asked if i was okay.  i said, "yes, my hands are just really, really cold".  she washed her hands then said, "yeah, your hands are kind of pink...well, i hope you get feeling better" and walked out. i think she probably thought i was mentally ill. 

luckily i'm mostly better now, though my fingertips are a little sensitive.  and i ended the day off right, with a trip to nickel city, the classiest joint in utah valley.

peace+love

words of wisdom..

what a funny day.
this morning i went on a bike ride (shocker, i know), and on the way down i passed this old guy on the provo river trail.  he caught up to me and we started chatting.  he is turning 80 this year and has been cycling for 60 years.  he said he wanted to chat because he used to race and doesn't like when people pass him so he "had to know who this sharp looking young girl on this first class bike was".  before he turned off to finish his ride he said, "well, i thought i'd share with you my wisdom...you don't have to look like a potato with toothpicks sticking out of it when you're old".
then, later i went to this local farm to buy some fruit.  when i paid for it, the lady that sold it to me said, "always remember to be kind to yourself."
apparently i look like a troubled youth.

fye...cousinly/sisterly love

peace+love

risky business

you know you've all done it at least once...
there is this cute boy at work i have a crush on.  i have no idea if he is engaged or has a girlfriend.  but i do know he doesn't have a wedding ring, and that's all that matters.  anyway, this crush is a pretty recent development, and i'll admit, until now i haven't put forth much effort when it comes to getting ready for work.   then today i decided i would start to work it... i wore my cutest dress, i put on some makeup, flat ironed my hair, and even put on a little perfume.  i looked cute and smelled good.
and he wasn't even there today.
fail.
i wouldn't mind so much and say, "oh well, i'll just try again tomorrow" except that now that means i can't wear my cutest dress again for at least a week.

what a drag.

okay, now this could be fun...what's the craziest thing you've ever done to get someone's attention?

peace+love

the giving tree.

this weekend i babysat my cute neighbors. little 5-year-old eliza said, "do you want to see a funny video?" she went and picked up the napoleon dynamite dvd. "this is such a funny movie. i've been watching it for years."

anyway...

is it possible to love a place so much it breaks your heart to leave?

yes. which is why i am going to cedar city this weekend. and even though you all don't care, i feel like shouting it from the rooftops, that's how excited i am.

to you all this might just be a crappy picture of a tree. but this is the tree i spent many hours of pondering and writing in. it is beautiful.

peace+love

dzing dzong

it's a few days late, but DZING DZONG happy 19th birthday kewwwi...the best lil' sis in the world

this is for you

peace+love

arachnophobia

there was this one time that i melted from the heat.

oh wait, that was today.

yesterday i woke up with a spider bite on my cheek. which means there was a spider crawling on my face that night. in my bed. with me.

then last night i was sitting at my computer and put my foot down in the corner underneath my desk. i landed right in a spider trap with 8 dead spiders.

the chaos that ensued went something like this:

me screaming looking up at the ceiling so as to avoid witnessing what i had actually done "KERRI! GETITOFF! GETITOFF! GETITOFF!"

"I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT THING!"

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GETITOFF! GET A PAPER TOWEL"

i felt like i was going to throw up for the next half hour.

on friday i got some new freckles at the lake. that night i watched fireworks on the roof of the rec center.

saturday i went for a nice long bike ride all inclusive with a nice little steep uphill right at the end. i rewarded myself with neilsen's frozen custard that night. except actually kerri paid.

and today i watched sound of music.

a good weekend on all accounts.

what did you do?

peace+love

breaking away

today i decided to join the color country cycling club to help me train for a big tour i'm doing at the end of the summer. it was my first time pacing with a group and it was a 35 mile ride. plus i rode my bike to our meeting area. so 40 total. 40 mile ride while out of shape=NO bueno. (oh and if you're thinking i kept up with the old guys you're out of your mind). i'm proud of myself for just finishing. and in case you were wondering, yes, my bum is completely numb and i'm probably NOT going to be able to walk tomorrow. as a result, i am exhausted. which means i have no energy to write about an artist and look up songs. but if you have never seen it, watch breaking away. it's my inspiration for life. and i told my dad that as a reward for completing the ride today he should buy me my own copy. PLUS dave stoller is to cycling as paulie bleeker is to running aka the hottest thing on two wheels (legs). he might even be hotter than paulie because he woos a girl by singing in italian. and dennis quiad wears cut off shorts {1:58 of trailer}. seriously. hilarious. watch. now.

peace+love

i don't look like a vampire anymore

the sun is shining and i am content. yesterday i got the point where no matter what this month brings, i'm going to be okay. and all it took to get there was:

-first time climbing outside since october. the wind made me nervous seeing as it was my first ever multi-pitch climb and we were on sandstone. we only made it to the second pitch. i'm thinking i don't really like climbing on sandstone. regardless, i belong outside.
-decided to put air in my bike tires. then decided to ride my bike to the store... on the other side of town. those of you who ride beach cruisers know there are three gears, and when it comes to hills those gears are "slow", "slower", and "slowest".
-rode back to the other side of town to the grocery store parking lot where the "bigboys club" (music majors, go figure) were hosting a "help haiti" all-day amateur music fest. bathing in the warm sun with my raspberry lemonade listening to live music. there are few things i love more...
while there i found my dream dog...one of these. only the one i saw probably weighed twice as much and was white. i was in love.

{via}

-attended a 50's themed dance party and dressed in the 50's style jr. prom dress my mom made for me in high school. at said party i ended up having to lick mustard off of jason's nose. don't ask.

what did you do this weekend?

peace+love

stretchy....like silly putty.

my friends and i got bored last night, so we decided to get creative and made up this routine...i hope you like it


peace+love

make your heart melt...

or just make me cry with laughter...i'm proud to say i've been going to school with these boys since elementary...and went out with the one in the hat (tyler). this video landed them an interview on KSL (a local news station).

also, i'm officially an idiot. as i was driving back to school today i got to payson (an hour away from home) and realized i left my right lung sitting on my desk aka my iPod. bless my mother for her understanding--i'll be expecting it in the mail in just a couple of days.
peace+love

you'll regret not reading this post...

...well, maybe not cause you won't know what you missed. but trust me, you do not want to miss out on this. it was written by my hilarious little sister, kerri, whose blog is private. which i am sorry for all of you who are not invited to read it because seriously, she is the funniest person i know.
definitions:
ward fhe=family home evening with a big group of single students who attend the same church

"on monday we had a ward FHE. the activity was roller skating. ya totally sweet. me and my roommate dressed up in tight spandex pants and were able to stretch them over our skates, we looked awesome. anyway so we are just having a grand ol' time skating around the track, but im really not so good at skating. we crash a few times trying to go under each others legs, we definitely supplied the entertainment for the night. then i see my roommate talking to a boy she likes but they weren't skating so i decided to go get them to skate. i skated over and as i was nearing the step up that goes off the track i decided to jump. FAIL. i jumped and when i landed i fell flat on my butt. they thought it was so funny and so did i. but it gets better. later i saw a boy from my fhe group who i've known all year, he's a cool kid. DISCLAIMER: he is paralyzed from the waist down. anyway i decided to go get him to skate with me. he is sitting by the bishop and counselor. i skate toward him, and as i am nearing the step up i decide to try and jump again. he sees me coming so he puts his hand out to help me. thats perfect now i wont fall. wrong. i grabbed his hand as i jumped, then as i fell i didn't let go of his hand and i pulled him right out of his chair. yes that is right. the poor helpless kid couldn't really do much since i had a hold of his working limbs. so helplessly he just fell onto the floor with me. i couldn't stop laughing and neither could he. the bishop on the other hand looked at me like i had just caused wwIII or something."

peace+love