amateur

our first sunday in ohio a tornado warning went off during the third hour of church...we all gathered in the hallway till we got the okay to go home.  i just remembered that with all this crazy wind today.

anyway, for the months of september and october i took a beginning painting class from a local artist in downtown columbus.  i have zero background in painting.  i took ceramics in high school and that's the extent of my fine arts background.  but i've always wanted to learn how to paint and it was pretty inexpensive, so i signed up and went for three hours every week to paint with a bunch of retired women.  i think i was the most inexperienced painter there, but i loved it.  i learned to go out of my comfort zone (big time), i learned to be patient with myself, but also with the painting process, and most of all, i learned that there's a lot i need to learn.

my very first painting from class.  still unfinished.

a lot of times my instructor would tell me to take a step back from my painting and look at it from a few feet away.  it was crazy how much that changed your perspective and made you realize your painting actually looks really good...or really terrible.  when i'd get stuck or hate the way something was turning out, my much more experienced instructor always seemed to know exactly what i needed to do to give my painting dimension or to separate the flowers or whatever needed to be changed.   

my third (also unfinished) painting

i realized i'm an amateur in a lot of aspects of my life--as a student, a wife, a daughter, sister, and especially as a disciple.  sometimes i get so wrapped up in my own little world that i forget to take a step back and remember the big picture.  that's why i'm so grateful for my life instructor.  our Heavenly Father has been there and done that.  He really does have all the answers.  i'm grateful for the scriptures that guide me and help me understand what the finished product i'm working for is.  i'm grateful for the holy ghost who gently instructs me on how to change.  and most of all, i'm grateful for the Savior who gives me the ability to actually make those changes.  Heavenly Father has something more beautiful than we can imagine in store for us.  we have the tools to create it, we just need Him to teach us how to use them.

my first painting without an instructor telling me what to paint and how to paint it.

lessons learned the hard way...

wow, i have been quite the sporadic blogger as of late.  i don't know that anyone even reads this anymore.  but i actually do have something of value to share today.  i've spent the last 6 weeks in mexico, and if i'm being totally honest with myself and everyone else it has been one of the toughest experiences i've ever had.  not that living in mexico is hard, it's great!  but there are lots of circumstances that have made it difficult.  but i am so grateful.  because i also feel like i've learned and grown more in the last 6 weeks than in the last 6 months combined.  i've spent the last couple of days reflecting on some of those lessons i've learned, and i want to share a few with you...

Obedience IS happiness.  it is also the greatest source of peace.

commandments protect us from pain.

repentance can be a difficult, painful process, but a beautiful one that, when done correctly and sincerely, brings lasting changes and profound peace.

the atonement truly does heal.  no matter how broken you feel, the atonement provides the light you must work toward to be made whole again.

love God above all things.  this love will bring you confidence, faith, hope, and the patience needed in moments of difficulty.

i feel like i am in such a good place right now, with god and with myself.  i have an amazing family and am surrounded by people who inspire me everyday.  and in the hard times i have prayer and my relaxing music to put things into perspective. last night i was thinking how grateful i am for all of the experiences i've had in life where God has testified to me that He exists and He loves me and i can trust Him.  today i was thinking how grateful i am for the people in my life who have helped me along the way.  in short, 

i know God lives.  "what comfort this sweet sentence gives."

plus, look how loved i am.  two of my favorite people i've met here and malachi bought us sunflowers!

peace+love

viva méxico

it's oficial....

Friday, September 13, 2013 this half chilena half north american is going to become half mexicana, too.  that sounds impossible, i know... i guess my heart will just have to grow to fit all those mexicans in it.  i'll be moving to Mexico D.F. until December 11 to go prepare the Lord's servants in the newest MTC opening this summer.  there are no words to describe the extreme range of emotions i am feeling right now...so i will express them with a song

you may or may not ever see me again.  there is the distinct possibility that i will o.d. on tacos.
peace+love

oh, poor atlas, the world's a beast of a burden

this world is scary and life is hard.  i've spent a fair amount of time lately reading the news (trying to get rid of that instinct of going to facebook when i get online). some of today's headlines included, "inmates seen with guns, using drugs", "US:North Korea may launch missile", "Building collapse kills at least 9", amongst other tragedies, crimes, and disasters.  then there's all the crap that happens in people's personal lives everyday that don't make it to the headlines, and they often suffer in silence: divorce, death in the family, abuse, cancer, break ups, neglect, unemployment, bad grades, the list goes on.  as i write this i hear the siren of a firetruck pass my street.  man, it's exhausting.

but, God loves us.  and as i've struggled through my own trials and felt the weight and sadness for the trials of those around me, i've been so overwhelmed with gratitude at the love people have extended to me.  for every bad thing in life, there are two (at least) good things.

ex. 1 - these missionaries

i know i shouldn't have favorites, but seriously, i am going to miss these guys.  for the last six weeks they have strengthened my faith, brightened my day, and brought me closer to Christ.  i remember kneeling with them last saturday night as we prayed together.  when we finished i thought, where else in the world would you find a group of eleven 18-21 year olds kneeling together in prayer on a saturday night by choice? yes, amidst all the turmoil around us, there is so much good--this is one incredible group of young adults.

ex. 2 - these two goofballs

ashton and tess (my roommate and her boyfriend).  they are such blessings in my life.  i got home from work on wednesday after a sort of rough day and they kidnapped me, took me to dinner, and to walk around the mall for a bit.  that's just one example of the bajillion when they've helped me in some way. they are so quick to serve and care for others.  i couldn't ask for a better roommate/friend and her boyfriend (old married couple, really).  

ex. 3-this beautiful, selfless woman

my mother.  brooke sent me a text the other day that said, "There is a scripture in Acts about mama! acts 2:28 - 'Thou hast made known to me the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance.'"  how true it is.  i cannot describe the peace i feel every time i am with her or get off the phone with her. she always seems to know just the right words to say. 

ex. 4-this beautiful weather we've had

ex. 5 -this weekend = general conference baby!  ya, the world is scary, but when we listen to and obey the prophet, we need not fear for the future.  God is great and He loves, and He will never give up on us or disappoint us.  He is perfect and He is my best friend.  I love Him. 

sorry this post was so wordy.  but it was therapeutic for me to write.  if you actually read it, i hope it will be therapeutic for you in some way as well.  also virtual hug to whoever can tell me where the title of this post comes from without googling it.

peace+love

you is good

i have the great blessing of teaching spanish and teaching skills to missionaries at the mtc.  and for one hour everyday they teach me and i act as someone who hasn't heard the gospel.  today, two of my missionaries invited me to be baptized...long story short i told them i was a bad person and wasn't good enough to be baptized, because everything i do is for my own benefit.  i'm not selfless like them.  and you know what my sweet, 18-year-old, extremely humble elder said to me in the best spanish he could muster,

"you are a good person, because you chose to follow Christ and come to earth before you were born."

if only this elder could know what an impact that had on me personally today.  how true this is.  we were born good.  with the desire to help and please others...just look at little kids--the way they react when someone gets hurt or is crying.  we are all sons and daughters of the same heavenly father.  we all have the same loving Savior and big brother.  and no matter how far off the path we've found ourselves, no matter how heavy we feel our burden is, there is no sin, no trial, and no person who is not accounted for by the love of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  there is always a way back.  there is always strength to be found.  God loves you.  He knows you are good.

peace+love

in the bleak midwinter

last night i went to the (sold out) lower lights concert at the salt lake masonic temple.  stand by tickets--arriving early and being patient sure pays off.  awesome venue.  really, coolest venue ever.  what a fabulous way to get into the christmas spirit.
and they played my favorite christmas song...in the bleak midwinter.  i know i've turned into such a softie, but the last verse always gets me choked up...

what can i give him,  poor as i am?

if i were a shepherd, i would bring a lamb,

if i were a wise man, i would do my part;

yet what can i give him?  give my heart.

the lower lights sang such a beautiful rendition, but it's not on youtube (just buy the album. you won't regret it), so i will share another beautiful rendition...

or you can listen to the lower lights version here.
peace+love

o come, o come, emmanuel

i have big, important news for everyone...jesus was born.  plus, i couldn't handle every time i went to my blog page to see who has updated seeing that sick nasty picture of the tarantula hawk.  so instead, i will share with you this beautiful song to help you get into the christmas spirit.

what will you give to the savior this christmas?

peace+love

how do i love thee?

friday night i went to the mindy gledhill concert...it was a miracle that we got in (really, though, by the kindness of a lady in line with an extra ticket...thanks, susan!) and i was so glad we went.  i love concerts, but to be honest, it's rare that i leave a concert feeling uplifted and inspired spiritually. this song especially touched me.  i feel like this is how jesus feels about me.

then yesterday at work i was talking with my missionaries about the atonement. i shared with them this video

 

i've seen this video heaven knows how many times, yet every time it impacts me--the excruciating pain and horrendous suffering.  all of it for the children of God, because He loves His father and He loves us.  and even after washing His face in the creek, the water running red with His blood, He goes and heals the ear of the very man who tries to arrest Him.  He loved him.  as i watched it yesterday i began to think of that perfect love that Christ has for all of us.  His suffering was so great that He even cried out, "if thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done."  He loves God more than He loves Himself, so He went through with it.  but not only that, He loves us more than He loves Himself.  all of us.  you, me, lady gaga, hitler, obama...He loves them all.

we are so weak.  we hate, we criticize, we judge, we do everything but love.  

but not only that, too often we love ourselves more than we love God.  we indulge in that song that has that one swear word because it is pleasing to us for that time we're listening.  we skip out on sunday school cause we're tired.  we blow off or ignore that person cause they're weird.  

in what ways do you love God more than you love yourself?  how would your life be different if you were to change those things?

peace+love

the world as i see it...

for one of my bajillion english classes this semester i was asked to prepare a presentation on my definition of beauty.  i've actually thought about this a lot, because when i am walking or hiking or cycling or doing something where i can just ponder and take in my surroundings, i often find myself overcome with wonder at how beautiful the earth and life and God's plan are.  we are all born to a mother and father.  we came into this life as canvases waiting to be made into something meaningful.  as our lives play out, the artist of our lives is our choices, our experiences, trials, and the lessons we learn.  each canvas is unique--there are no 2 identical paintings.  to illustrate this point, i asked some friends and family to tell me something real about themselves that makes them who they are, and made this video:

for me, this is what makes life and the earth so beautiful: the fact that we are all so different, yet we all have the same divine nature.  we are all children and spiritual creations of the same Heavenly Father.  for some of us, our lives experiences have been challenging, sad, or difficult to bear.  But no matter how tiresome our experiences, every single person who has lived, is living, or will ever live, is accounted for under the Atoning sacrifice of our Savior.  and that is beautiful...

...and in case you were wondering, i got an "a" on the project.
peace+love

NEVER leave your religion at the door

man, i'm sorry to anyone who missed the ces fireside tonight.  you can watch it here.
elder holland.  what a powerful speaker.

in sunday school we were studying about the gadianton robbers (Helaman 6). it refers to satan and how he came to posses the hearts of the nephites in very astute ways.  it started out with small things that lead to a downward spiral.  i began to think about the ways there are gadianton robbers among us today.  i began to think about pop culture, music, clothing, television, politics, leaders, current world issues. there are so many voices constantly telling us how to live.  just as God needs instruments to bring about His work here on earth, so does Satan.  he takes hold of our hearts through the small things.  his instruments are telling us how to dress, what to say, what to listen to, what to think.  most of them don't even realize they are instruments in Satan's hands.  the scariest part, though, is that most of us don't realize they are Satan's tools either.  i began to think how often i do something or listen to something or say something that drives away the Spirit.  how often i try to keep one foot in babylon and one in zion without even realizing it, simply because i want to fit in.

everyone is born with the light of Christ to illuminate their way in the darkness.  those who have been baptized have received the Spirit's constant companionship.  and we must stay worthy of it if we are to make our way back to our Heavenly Father, with all of the misty clouds of temptations swirling all around us. so i resolved to make a change.  to be more aware of the sensitivity of my Spirit.  to notice when i don't feel that sweet, sacred influence at any given moment. i invite you all to do the same.  and to NEVER leave your religion, your love for Jesus Christ, your desire to be like Him, at the door.
peace+love

i love my life...

...and all you people in it.

i'm only 21 and have experienced some pretty amazing things:
-singing "forever in blue jeans" on PCTV at the Neil Diamond concert with my best friend when i was 15
-traded a 5 buck pizza for Cold Stone with my little sister and her friend. i'm pretty sure the workers just thought they were cute.
-watched an owl take off in flight while driving in the Uinta's at night
-watched a moose running next to the car on the same drive

-gone skydiving

-backpacked europe

-witnessed nature at it's finest aka rock climbing/zion/hiking

-sung "desperado" with my best friend in front of half our high school

-crossed 22 things off my bucket list of 110

-hiked to the highest point in utah

-completed a triathlon

-completed 2 1/2 marathons

-rode my bike 448 miles through one of the most beautiful areas in this country

-watched a school come together to provide a dinner for 140 homeless people

-experienced making real music.

-lived in the greatest city in utah (cedar! if you were wondering)

-entered the temple and received my endowment

-raised $211 for charity:water thanks to YOU!

i could go on. i have a family who loves me and friends who inspire me to be a better person everyday. i lead a very privileged life. i attribute that completely to my heavenly father.

i've also made mistakes and done some really dumb things and had heartaches and hard times. but that is why Jesus Christ atoned for our sins our pains, making it possible to become perfect through Him and giving Him the chance to comfort us when we need it most. i have experienced the healing power of the atonement first hand, and that is why i am so excited to spend the next 18 months telling the people of santiago, chile about this "good news". i'm also very much looking forward to the next 21 years and (hopefully) more in this beautiful world.

p.s. thanks ali and brookie for the birthday shout-outs. i sure love you both. also, brooke, i love that song, so thank you for pointing out those lyrics so i'd actually think of them--

"hold on to what you believe in the light, when the darkness has robbed you of all of your sight."

i'll do my best.

peace+love

let's go fly a kite

1. The first thing I do in the morning is try to think of a good reason not to get up .

2. Every night before bed I set my alarm and say my prayers .

3. My favorite thing to do when I'm having a bad day is lay on my bed listening to some van morrison...or lately, crazy heart soundtrack

4. Something that makes me cringe since as a lifeguard i watched a kid do a gainer, hit his forehead on the diving-board, and end up with a concussion and broken nose, i always cringe when i watch people to back-flips on diving-boards. i don't think i'll ever fully recover.

5. Social situations make me want to dance...??i don't know how to answer this .

6. I like to collect i keep every letter i receive. also, i have these little jewel bird ring holders that i love .

7. Weekends are for playing outside. and not doing ANY homework .

peace+love

easter inspiration...

i really hope you'll take the less than five minutes to watch this no matter what your beliefs are. it is really beautiful truth that brings hope to everyone on this earth.

happy easter!!!

peace+love

you can move me if you want to

if you were stranded on a deseret island...everyone in my family should do this fill-in-the-blank for the sole purpose of question #2 - all i have to say is 6 hours in a cramped car on thanksgiving...

1. If I could medal in an olympic event it would be mogul skiing - i love my moguls .

2. If I was stranded on a deserted island I'd take jesus .

3. clowns are my most irrational fear.

4. I'd rather walk on hot coals , than drink rotten milk .

5. I am a mountain and you are the sea .

6. I should really be nervous for my audition .

7. One of my favorite things in all the world is having my toes popped (hint hint) .

peace+love